13 Kinds of Despair, by Lemony Snicket

(From Twitter, 22 February 2017)

You may be interested to know that I have categorized thirteen kinds of despair, listed here for your convenience… / and arranged by time-of-day, so with planning you may experience all thirteen despairs in a single twenty-four hour period: /
The first kind of despair is the suspicion that there is no safe territory outside the warm confines of one’s bedclothes. /
The second kind of despair is the sense that even the most elegant of breakfasts is fragile resistance to the oncoming day. /
The third kind of despair is finding life as shifty and indiscernible as the Rorschach of crumbs on your plate. /
The fourth kind of despair is when the tea is so hot you must leave it alone until it is far too cold. /
The fifth kind of despair is the knowledge that with the sun overhead, your shadow has vanished and there is no place to hide. /
The sixth kind of despair is when you realize you must close the book you are reading and reluctantly participate in something or other. /
The seventh kind of despair is that the sun has set on another day and so little has been done. /
The eighth kind of despair is burning dinner in the oven. /
The ninth kind of despair is the realization that a bad dinner still creates dirty dishes. /
The tenth kind of despair is the presentiment that a darkening sky brings darkening times. /
The eleventh kind of despair is the inkling that an evening should have been better spent but that it is almost bedtime. /
The twelfth kind of despair is the knowledge that countless others are sleepless with you. /
The thirteenth kind of despair occurs at every moment, waking or sleeping, and surely this needs no explanation.