when I was younger I used to think that showing restraint or acting like you were too cool to show emotion or being distant and pretending you cared less about someone than you did would protect me from being hurt. in reality the more you put yourself on the line, the more you allow yourself to be vulnerable and open, the more you feel - the braver and stronger you will become. it almost makes you feel like you could handle anything. it’s so true that the less you love the harder you will be to love. the less you feel, the more you will become a sad and fearful person with no good stories to tell. there is so much energy in showing restraint and disinterest, but the feeling of being honest is one that is so effortless. i’m not saying i enjoy being vulnerable - every single time my hands shake, I feel nervous and uncomfortable, but i do it anyways, not even because i want to but because i must. every time I’ve told someone how i feel about them i have felt courageous and brave and alive - and i always wonder why it took me so long to do so. i never again want to make the mistake of being distant and afraid and impenetrable. more than anything I just want to be that mess of a human who is incredibly honest and bloody and real, and i feel wonderful because i think i may be getting there, i really do